MotherDaughter..Oooh..

Thugnastii Is now a ThugMOMMY and I wouldnt have it any other way

Sometime in Mid March I found out that i was in fact pregnant and I was SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!..Nonetheless I knew I had to man up..I am pro-choice but I know abortion is not a choice I was ready to live with for the rest of my life.. so the decision to keep my baby was a no brainer on my part..

My mom was PISSED...First of all she never agreed with me moving away to Miami to live with my boyfriend while I was taking a semester off of school..And one could see why she would be worried, but the way she handled it was waaayyy wrong so we werent on good terms.. It was a rough patch of Many Many rough patches with us...She told me "stephanie you're too young you havent even finished school.. Its unfair and selfish of you to keep this baby, you can barely take care of yourself...this baby didnt ask to be born think about that"..From that statement on she was def against this pregnancy.. she was not a happy camper .. She was also upset that I had told my sister before her so she didnt talk to my sister for a few days...Shes good for doing childish things like that and its caused a lot of turmoil in our relationship.. Sometimes it makes me sad that we dont have that Mother Daughter BFF relationship like her and my sister do...but I Love her none the less...

I dont remember when exactly my mother and I started getting into it..Maybe I was upset at the fact that she forced me to move with her when I was like 10 and leave my dad. I have always been a daddys girl. So maybe subconciously I was a little bit bitter about that..And from a REALLY young age I had been through things and was exposed to things that no child should be exposed to.. So her making me move away from my home and where I felt safe and close to my dad, my protector, maybe thats where my anger towards her festered from.. At that point my grades were slipping I was hurting myself, inconspicuously showing her a lot of signs and she didnt see them and its not her fault but for some reason I think maybe I felt like it was...

At 15/16 is when our relationship was at its worse.. around my birthday my dad takes a yearly trip to Africa so its her and I left here to get on eachothers nerves and you know how teenagers are... I was doing all kinds of stuff that I SHOULD NOT have been doing ..I had a boyfriend who was 9 years older than me (that is not a relationship its abuse and I see that now).. I was still hurting myself.. I was dealing with A LOT of Demons and I didnt feel like she had helped me before so I wanted her to leave me the hell alone.. but she wouldnt.. she would try to yell at me until I would listen to her or she would do her normal "say things to put you down"...When she wants to hurt you she knows exactly what to say and she has said things no mother should say to a child..but I was called all types of stupid idiot no good for nothing...all that good stuff.. well she finally saw that I was hurting myself and wanted to know why.. I tried to open up to her about the abuse, not even all the abuse, just one incident, but she didnt want to deal with it so she stuck me in Bradley Childrens Hospital [The looney bin I called it at the time]until my dad came home.. To this day I have problems opening up to her and we do not communicate well with eachother.. Just the other night she told me that I shouldnt be surprised if my son grows up not knowing who his real father is and I should just raise him thinking that my dad is his father {HURTS}.. She also put the blame on me when she caught the H1N1 virus because I put stress on her with my pregnancy so she couldnt get rest and weakened her immune system..and if she is upset with my father I also get the backlash of that..she wont talk to me while shes not talking to him..

As Im getting older and starting to figure things out, I do not blame her for anything that has happened to me and I realize that my mother is human and she has her faults as does everyone else. We still have our spats.. especially during my pregnancy because her view on my pregnancy is that it was a mistake so I made my mess so I have to deal with it on my own..She went as far as telling people that I was homeless and she told me not to expect any help from her (which I didnt EXPECT anything from anybody) and dont ask her for help.. and I didnt... I will always respect her and appreciate her for being the best mother that she knew how to be..We dont have the type of relationship that I wish that we had but I will make the best of the relationship that we do have.. I will also acknowledge the fact that since the birth of my baby a lot has changed for the better...Baby steps I guess...