Crying Again..will it ever end...UUGH

Recently i've been spending a lot more time upset in my relationship than i have been enjoying it... it makes me wonder if the relationship is even worth trying to salvage... we spend more time fighting than acting like we love each other. My trust for him has gone way down. Im not sure if its my own insecurities or what. I know that he probably wont cheat on me, but im not sure if he wont do anything to hurt me... big diff...
I feel so lonely like i should just pick up the pieces and move on. People tell me im wasting my time and sometimes i wonder if i really am. It kills me to think that i put forth this much effort and gone through all this just to get hurt.
What the hell happened to me. a little over a year ago I would never .. not even.. I would laugh at somebody crying over somebody who is not dead. I guess I never understood how much love could change everything. I hate this and as much as i try to push through the pain..unhappiness is tiring and i dont know if I have the stamina anymore. SOmetimes I wonder what I am even fighting for. my reason isnt clear... but then again what, in love, is clear... Maybe this is what i get for avoiding it for so long.. for treating people the way that I did....Karma, maybe... Or what if i just wasnt ready to settle... either way at this point IM FUCKED

Change my frame of mind..Ooohh

Sometimes when your life is so full of negative things it clouds the positive. Im tired Im stressed and I just want to get away.. unfortunately there is nothing that I can do right now so i am just going to try and keep smiling

Change my frame of mind..Ooohh

Sometimes when your life is so full of negative things it clouds the positive. Im tired Im stressed and I just want to get away.. unfortunately there is nothing that I can do right now so i am just going to try and keep smiling

Some people are so disgusting... Ugh VENT!

like, are you serious there are people sitting right outside.. you got 4 kids and 2 baby daddies both of whom left yo ass and dont take care of they kids. why are you over here all over anything with a penis.. isnt that what got you in your situation in the first place bitch have some self respect..
And you, you are such a DOG.. at least if youre gonna be fuckin one of them... fuck the less fucked up lookin one, and take that shit elsewhere nobody wants to hear that even if it was only for 2 minutes.

SOME PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKIN DISGUSTING

FmL..

Right now I am fed up had enough with his stupid comments and lack of emotional support...
For now I am an evil whacked out bitch that never knows what im talking about and should just keep my opinions and feelings to myself... That is his solution.. While he goes on about him him and his problems because they are much more important than me.. Ugh im just rambling i am soo upset im tired of defending some one who says he gives a damn but does absolutely nothing to prove it
I am so tired of being talked to like I do not matter and HOW DARE HE QUESTION ME AS AS A MOTHER WHEN HE HAS CONTRIBUTED SHIT NOTHING TO HIS CHILDS LIFE
fuck that...ugh...AAAAhhhhh i just want to scream but i have to keep it together but seriously fuck this I'll act right when he acts right for now call me madame bitch because he deserves everything i dish out!!!

Hating on me wont make you pretty...Ugh

Man its re-donk.. what some people will say to you to make themselves feel better!
Its an epidemic...
They get mad at me because I am confident naturally with reason... and they depend on somebody elses' acceptance to feel good... well people a few things we should all remember
1. hating on me wont make you look better, you just look like an ass
2.posing ass first doesnt make you sexy or your face look better
3.you cant knock me off of my pedestal because im just naturally that high

Love yourself!

On todays installment of South Providence.. oooohhh

So Im riding down broad street on my way to compare foods and riteaid and what do i see while sitting in traffic ..two old bums fighting.. they were going in..and a cop was just sitting there watching !...
Im guessing he was waiting for a paramedic to get there for idk backup or something isnt that the reason they travel in pairs??..anywho a couple of seconds later an ambulance comes cruising down the road with the sirens... but not just any old siren the two asian guys in the ambulance were making beats out of the siren...

QUITE ENTERTAINING I MUST SAY.. too bad i didnt have time to stick around and watch more

My profound question of the morning before I sleep....OOO00oohh

Where do we draw the line between being happy with what you have and settling?...or is there even a line??

Something feels different...OOoohh

im really big on feelings... not the type of feelings like 'oh i feel sad today' but like vibes i guess you could call them... yeah vibes is a better word.. but im really big on those and usually i can go on my vibes to form opinions or make decisions and im usually very aware of the vibes that i get in certain situations and i can tell if its good or not...
but now, the last couple of times i have spoken to my man the vibe has been off, like the chemistry isnt the same. not to say tht im not still in love with him because i am very much so but something just feels off between us and im not sure if its a bad thing or what
i hope i can shake this or we can fix it before it gets worse but i dont think hes understanding me

My block is hot!...aahhh snap!

South side of providence rarely has dull moments, and the past couple of days havent been one of those dull moments

First of all arent undercover cops supposed to be umm undercover? theres been these 4 cops that are way obvious canvasing the block watching the house next door and the brown house around the corner on the sidestreet that leads to a dead end, known drug locations..
The upside... the flow of crackheads on the block has slowed down tremendously only the resident crackheads are staying around including my local fav B.Brown!

Money Money Money ...Oohh

Well I start my next 2 classes on monday.. one is a communications class where we do simple grammer remedial stuff blah boring easy grade... and the second class is a personal finance class..
Now, let me just say this.. I HATE MONEY.. I like to have it so that i can spend it on 'stuff' but overall i hate it. Its a pain in the ass and now i have to spend nine weeks studying it GGRRR...

Oi, maybe I will learn something interesting that will change the way i feel about money.. i mean i have no choice but to give it a shot so i might as well stay open minded and obsorb as much as i can about taxes and investments and credit and all the complicated stuff that comes with money because i sure as heck know we wont go back to bartering any time soon!

348 am rambling thoughts... UUGGghhhHh

its way past my bed time but i can hardly get to sleep in a timely manner these days. I guess its just one of those things where some nights are worse than others but i've had like 3 worse nights in a row after a sleu of bad nights with a few good nights thrown in.. I keep telling myself "self, its gonna get better" in hopes of someday actually believing it or maybe it coming true.. fake it til you make it right?! ..right?.. maybe
my little bed doesnt seem so little when im laying in it by myself.. honestly i would rather be squished in it with the man that i love than to have all the space and be alone... who knew a twin could feel so large?

I wonder if i will ever feel like my old self again? Do i even remember what 'my old self' is like.. i have flashbacks of feelings of my old self they come on like a hotflash and then they disappear when reality kicks in.. I am starting to learn to embrace my 'new self' i hope i can find a way to intergrate my new and old self and be a 'modified self' wait wtf am i even talking about i sound crazy to myself.... oh well, on to the next one..
sheesh I feel like someone put my life in a crazy spin and then just put it on pause.. like a book with a lot of crazy chapters and then a boring chapter.
Not that my life is 'boring' per se but idk i feel like i should be doing more! eh i guess something will come together for me i just have to keep my eyes heart and mind open....