Thug Nasti is back bitches!! BE AFRAID

its amazing how fast your life, people, situations, circumstances..EVERYTHING can change in such a short span of time. Im pretty sure Change has been andwill be the theme for 2010 and beyond.. and im go back to my balls to the wall ways The original thug nasti will be back because just steph keepsgetting screwed over... the people i held nearest and dearest havetried to play me for a fool.

well, fuck this ill show my kindness tosomeone whodeserves it and for the rest of the assholes, well, they'll see
im no longer accepting excuses or giving second chances.. and its no longer going to be my fault
there is ONE person who i pick up after and he turns one in November.. the rest of yall can go ahead and suck it.. Gaurd ur hearts and ur loins!!

Its Been a while But this is good!!! 0OOhhhh...

And so, again the feelings of a prideful young man..well he isnt young but his mentality sure is...Anywho his feelings were hurt soo hes gonna try n deal with it the best way he can which is trying to bring me down with name calling and immature email messages well...here they are.... ENJOY!!...read from the bottom up!!...fyi this is a 30 year old!!
bold = me
retarded = him

CHILD YOU MAKE NO SENSE..You have no sense...your mentality is that of a 13 year old girl, it matches your man tits.. you are unstable..dumb ass lmfao!..Dont call my phone lame..
See this is why i gotta stop being nice to ugly people...

---

From: Christopher Alexander <kidcomanche@live.com>
To: dimplediva127@yahoo.com
Sent: Sun, July 18, 2010 5:37:55 PM
Subject: RE:

You type to me about you being 20 ? your dumb, thats what you are . Now you trien cop out talking about, your to young to die ? gunshot ! die slow. your fake, you cant deal with the fact that I'm better then your ex man could ever be . deal with reality . fuck a cell phone . your to ashamed to admit that you had feelings for me cause you know you aint shit bitch you aint nothin . you broke bitch

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Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 11:56:12 -0700
From: dimplediva127@yahoo.com
To: kidcomanche@live.com

Lmfao you ain't light years ahead of a caveman.. and not even a half a step ahead of me. Do all the legitimate work you want, you still morally financially and emotionally BROKE. Get out of your own way dumb ass. Your emails are that of a pissed off teenager. You're damn near 30 leaving a 20 year old messages and all you can say is "wackness" and call me a bitch. Your a joke to humanity... FIX UP DUDE!

---

From: Christopher Alexander
To: dimplediva127@yahoo.com
Sent: Sun, July 18, 2010 11:06:53 AM
Subject: RE:

I do legitimate work . you don't do shit
You couldn't fuck with me in a million years .
Light-years ahead of you . bitch plz !
memba dat !
no bitch concentrate on Deez .
slut dyke .
lmmfao
Fat Beeyaachts !!!

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Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 00:37:44 -0700
From: dimplediva127@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: My belly
To: kidcomanche@live.com

MATURITY COMES WITH AGE..BUT AGE DOES NOT COME WITH MATURITY...memba dat! n look past deze nuuuttzzzz lmaoo haha lame i never loved your ass i feel bad for you. you havent a clue you're stuck in your own world and there will never be enough space for anyone else... u wonder why all your relationships fail miserably YOU ARE THE COMMON DENOMINATOR!

---

From: Christopher Alexander
To: dimplediva127@yahoo.com
Sent: Sun, July 18, 2010 3:02:32 AM
Subject: RE:

I tried to look past allot of things about you from the start . I thought you were a nice person , and you were . You proved to be undeveloped when it came to your emotional connection for me because, your a big bisexual . All you did was try and fight your feelings for me and in attempt to come across "cool" . You came across cold, lame, and insecure . You were to caught up with your ex to see that someone special was right in front of you ; who had the ability to look past all your flaws and admire the inner you . Getting to know you became a drag though . stupid fights, and indifference . I tried to call you and make amends for something, and I shouldn't have (my mistake) . I did it just to see if you were on that same dizzy shit and you were . On top of all that you got a kid . you think your cute but your not . Your fat as hell, and you got all those stretch marks ILL . I'm good baby you don't worry your big head about me . lmao I hope you take these words of advice.................... grow up ! you couldn't fuck with me in a million years . Light-years ahead of you . bitch plz !

Crying Again..will it ever end...UUGH

Recently i've been spending a lot more time upset in my relationship than i have been enjoying it... it makes me wonder if the relationship is even worth trying to salvage... we spend more time fighting than acting like we love each other. My trust for him has gone way down. Im not sure if its my own insecurities or what. I know that he probably wont cheat on me, but im not sure if he wont do anything to hurt me... big diff...
I feel so lonely like i should just pick up the pieces and move on. People tell me im wasting my time and sometimes i wonder if i really am. It kills me to think that i put forth this much effort and gone through all this just to get hurt.
What the hell happened to me. a little over a year ago I would never .. not even.. I would laugh at somebody crying over somebody who is not dead. I guess I never understood how much love could change everything. I hate this and as much as i try to push through the pain..unhappiness is tiring and i dont know if I have the stamina anymore. SOmetimes I wonder what I am even fighting for. my reason isnt clear... but then again what, in love, is clear... Maybe this is what i get for avoiding it for so long.. for treating people the way that I did....Karma, maybe... Or what if i just wasnt ready to settle... either way at this point IM FUCKED

Change my frame of mind..Ooohh

Sometimes when your life is so full of negative things it clouds the positive. Im tired Im stressed and I just want to get away.. unfortunately there is nothing that I can do right now so i am just going to try and keep smiling

Change my frame of mind..Ooohh

Sometimes when your life is so full of negative things it clouds the positive. Im tired Im stressed and I just want to get away.. unfortunately there is nothing that I can do right now so i am just going to try and keep smiling

Some people are so disgusting... Ugh VENT!

like, are you serious there are people sitting right outside.. you got 4 kids and 2 baby daddies both of whom left yo ass and dont take care of they kids. why are you over here all over anything with a penis.. isnt that what got you in your situation in the first place bitch have some self respect..
And you, you are such a DOG.. at least if youre gonna be fuckin one of them... fuck the less fucked up lookin one, and take that shit elsewhere nobody wants to hear that even if it was only for 2 minutes.

SOME PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKIN DISGUSTING

FmL..

Right now I am fed up had enough with his stupid comments and lack of emotional support...
For now I am an evil whacked out bitch that never knows what im talking about and should just keep my opinions and feelings to myself... That is his solution.. While he goes on about him him and his problems because they are much more important than me.. Ugh im just rambling i am soo upset im tired of defending some one who says he gives a damn but does absolutely nothing to prove it
I am so tired of being talked to like I do not matter and HOW DARE HE QUESTION ME AS AS A MOTHER WHEN HE HAS CONTRIBUTED SHIT NOTHING TO HIS CHILDS LIFE
fuck that...ugh...AAAAhhhhh i just want to scream but i have to keep it together but seriously fuck this I'll act right when he acts right for now call me madame bitch because he deserves everything i dish out!!!

Hating on me wont make you pretty...Ugh

Man its re-donk.. what some people will say to you to make themselves feel better!
Its an epidemic...
They get mad at me because I am confident naturally with reason... and they depend on somebody elses' acceptance to feel good... well people a few things we should all remember
1. hating on me wont make you look better, you just look like an ass
2.posing ass first doesnt make you sexy or your face look better
3.you cant knock me off of my pedestal because im just naturally that high

Love yourself!

On todays installment of South Providence.. oooohhh

So Im riding down broad street on my way to compare foods and riteaid and what do i see while sitting in traffic ..two old bums fighting.. they were going in..and a cop was just sitting there watching !...
Im guessing he was waiting for a paramedic to get there for idk backup or something isnt that the reason they travel in pairs??..anywho a couple of seconds later an ambulance comes cruising down the road with the sirens... but not just any old siren the two asian guys in the ambulance were making beats out of the siren...

QUITE ENTERTAINING I MUST SAY.. too bad i didnt have time to stick around and watch more

My profound question of the morning before I sleep....OOO00oohh

Where do we draw the line between being happy with what you have and settling?...or is there even a line??

Something feels different...OOoohh

im really big on feelings... not the type of feelings like 'oh i feel sad today' but like vibes i guess you could call them... yeah vibes is a better word.. but im really big on those and usually i can go on my vibes to form opinions or make decisions and im usually very aware of the vibes that i get in certain situations and i can tell if its good or not...
but now, the last couple of times i have spoken to my man the vibe has been off, like the chemistry isnt the same. not to say tht im not still in love with him because i am very much so but something just feels off between us and im not sure if its a bad thing or what
i hope i can shake this or we can fix it before it gets worse but i dont think hes understanding me

My block is hot!...aahhh snap!

South side of providence rarely has dull moments, and the past couple of days havent been one of those dull moments

First of all arent undercover cops supposed to be umm undercover? theres been these 4 cops that are way obvious canvasing the block watching the house next door and the brown house around the corner on the sidestreet that leads to a dead end, known drug locations..
The upside... the flow of crackheads on the block has slowed down tremendously only the resident crackheads are staying around including my local fav B.Brown!

Money Money Money ...Oohh

Well I start my next 2 classes on monday.. one is a communications class where we do simple grammer remedial stuff blah boring easy grade... and the second class is a personal finance class..
Now, let me just say this.. I HATE MONEY.. I like to have it so that i can spend it on 'stuff' but overall i hate it. Its a pain in the ass and now i have to spend nine weeks studying it GGRRR...

Oi, maybe I will learn something interesting that will change the way i feel about money.. i mean i have no choice but to give it a shot so i might as well stay open minded and obsorb as much as i can about taxes and investments and credit and all the complicated stuff that comes with money because i sure as heck know we wont go back to bartering any time soon!

348 am rambling thoughts... UUGGghhhHh

its way past my bed time but i can hardly get to sleep in a timely manner these days. I guess its just one of those things where some nights are worse than others but i've had like 3 worse nights in a row after a sleu of bad nights with a few good nights thrown in.. I keep telling myself "self, its gonna get better" in hopes of someday actually believing it or maybe it coming true.. fake it til you make it right?! ..right?.. maybe
my little bed doesnt seem so little when im laying in it by myself.. honestly i would rather be squished in it with the man that i love than to have all the space and be alone... who knew a twin could feel so large?

I wonder if i will ever feel like my old self again? Do i even remember what 'my old self' is like.. i have flashbacks of feelings of my old self they come on like a hotflash and then they disappear when reality kicks in.. I am starting to learn to embrace my 'new self' i hope i can find a way to intergrate my new and old self and be a 'modified self' wait wtf am i even talking about i sound crazy to myself.... oh well, on to the next one..
sheesh I feel like someone put my life in a crazy spin and then just put it on pause.. like a book with a lot of crazy chapters and then a boring chapter.
Not that my life is 'boring' per se but idk i feel like i should be doing more! eh i guess something will come together for me i just have to keep my eyes heart and mind open....

ALONE ALONE ALONE...UUGGHHHH

ALONE...ALONE..ALONEALONEALONE...

Its a reoccurring theme in my life

When I was a teenager...going through all my shit i was put into a room to be left alone and deal with myself by myself.
When I got pregnant my boyfriend was arrested and deported I was left alone...every doctors appointment alone.. went into labor alone
When I was suffering from postpartum depression and psychosis I went through it alone in my room alone by myself
When I developed gallstones and passed them and was in excruciating pain that I could not sit upright or pick up my crying baby I was in the house alone
And now 1 day fresh from surgery in so much pain in my bed in my house ALONE...again..

GREAT!

look what we did today!...Ahhh..

It was the first 80something degree day so we were out and about and we took some snapshots in the park!...LOVE THEM

The things we do for beauty!...O0h&+Aahh

I HAPPEN TOTHINK I LOOK HOT IN ROLLERS!

Do A lil dance...Make a lil Love...AAhah..

I saw this [DANCING BEAR] at walmart and thought it was HILARIOUS!

Breastfeeding..0oOH...

WHAT IS THEBIG FREAKIN DEAL..

Yeah so I breastfeed in public...everybody else eats in public, why cant my kid?

Whenever I BF in a store or in the car or at the mall I get weird looks like 'why are you doing that?' kind of looks. Its not the looks that bother me because I can't control any ones face but I do think its kind of weird when people look at my breast when I'm feeding my child as a sexual organ..[since i'm not sexin anyone it hasnt been one of those for about a year].. but its sick to think of my boob as a sexual organ in relation to my baby boy. Its people that think like that who annoy me and quite frankly digust me.

I shouldn't have to change a natural behavior...something im supposed to be doing because some people don't want to broaden their horizons...GET OVER IT PEOPLE...I'M BREASTFEEDING MY BABY...IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.. YOU DON'T LOOK!

I am a Phoenix...AAaahh

I never thought that i would EVER go to school online. I was always such a skeptic when it came to anything online. Its so convenient who knew i could breastfeed and be in class at the same time. Thediscussions are almost like being in a real classroom except you dont see who you're talking to and everyone is forced toparticipate. Usuallyin class itsthesame2 or 3 people that commenton EVERYTHING, and the rest of us sit there and listen to get participation points..Now everyone shares their point of view..its pretty cool...Im only 2 weeks in but I like it!

Planet Fitness...o0h yeahh....

Got my ass back in the gym...On my way to MILFdom!!

GOT BOOBIES!!...00HH

THIS IS PRICELESS..

Going it alone...

Motherhood is the greatest blessing I have ever recieved. The sense of fulfillment and happiness you get when you see your baby smile when he hears your voice is incomparable to anything in the world. But doing it by myself is so tiring its so hard its physically and emotionally draining some days..so this has been kind of bitter sweet for me because not only do I have the pressure and stress of this dramatic role and responsibility change...but I'm taking care of people emotionaly and I need some taking care of and support also..and its so heartbreaking some days I just want to be hugged and told that I'm appreciated or I'm doing a good job or for some one to say let me take him for a day and I would actually be willing or able even to let them.. No way my anxiety would make my head explode. The bottom line is, I love my son but I truly believe it takes more than one person to raise a child... Single parenting is not wrong and single parents are strong people but we need help we're not superheroes...

1-888-45MAURY...Aaaahhh

I love this show! whenever its on i catch myself talkin to the tv and i know my baby may turn out to be a maury junkie like me

YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER...
I dont understand..if you knew you were fuckin around..IF YOU KNOW.. IF YOU KNOW..then why put yourself through the embarrassment, why lie.. oh well, it entertains my life!

what a waste...ugh!

by 630 the ER was empty..i was tired, missing my baby, and just plain sick of sitting there... so I woke my dad up who was sitting on the chair knocked out! and we just walked out because by then the 1200mg i took of motrin had kicked in

I Hate..THE EMERGENCY ROOM...UUUGGHHH!!!

They're a good idea and ver helpful when they arent swamped or running slowly... but not only am i here waiting IN PAIN but its 4am i look a hot mess and worst of all i had to leave my baby at home and oh i think i bit into my lip too hard trying to get my mind off of the pain..the triage lady was so rude... i understand there is a certain conduct for working with emergency patients but she was just cold and plain rude and the waiting is aggrovating me i just want my son and this pain has been persisting for weeks now and my motrin is not working anymore.. i took 3 400mg a couple of hours ago and its just now taking the edge off...man i just want this to be over with its so aggrovating ...uuuuuugggghhhhhh...fuckin hospitals fuckin pains...pissin me off!!i thoroughly hate this

More Pik-Chuhzzz...0OooHhh...

Morning Lights..0O0hh!

One of my FAV things about waking up at the ass crack of the morning is seeing all the fun colors of the morning sun..they're so pretty all the oranges and pinks i look at them for a little while and then change my babys diaper..feed him and pass back out...by the time i wake back up most days its grey and cloudy and cold its kinda depressing but i look at my baby and reember the morning lights and i feel better again!

All Ive Got Are These Photographs...0OHH

I have kind of a passion...well not a passion, more of a hobby
I love to mess with pictures and make them look funky and now that I got my laptop back I decided to mess with my pictures as a way to deffer my anxious thoughts.. I find it very relaxing So last night i downloaded Picasa and I was up until about 5 messing with my pictures so I guess I'll share some of them...

Red H0T...0OoH..

My baby's mortal enemy....UGHHH

GAS!!!!...UUUGHHHH...

MY POOR BABY IT WAKES HIM UP OUT OF HIS SLEEP.. MYLICON HELPS A LITTLE BUT I FEEL SO BAD WHEN HE CRIES OUT IN PAIN AND ALL I CAN DO IS HOLD HIM AND DO HIS GAS EXCERSIZES... IT BREAKS MY HEART

My Love ..

He wants to talk so bad

DILEMAS DILEAMS DILEMAS....UUGHHH..

So I have a big decision to make...

I really need to go back to school but i started cosmotology school thinking ..I'll be able to do this and then I'll get a job and support my baby , its a pretty stable career and what not.. anyway, now im thinking if im going to pay all this money I should probably go to a 4 year school and get a degree instead of just a certification...nothing against cosmotology it is a great and fun career but I can do hair on my own time you know I should use my smarts in something, you know, more challenging that might give me even more job stability and something that I could start online because well..I have a 2 month old baby that Im raising and taking care of essentially by myself and I dont have 7 hours a day monday through friday to be away from the baby..I can barely get somebody to watch him for an hour so I can go for a walk or do some laudry ..so im looking for an online program to do..

Now my man is being deported and he wants us to go and live with him once he gets on his feet..but if I start a program now I wont finish for a couple of years so he wants me to just finish cosmotology so that I dont have to be away for that long.. and really I feel like he is being selfish..but I understand he doesnt want to be away from his son, he hasnt even met him.. but what about my education...that used to be so important to him too ..ugh I dont know what to do and I dont want to fight with him about it..but I feel like he doesnt even want to hear my reasoning he just wants to be with his son and I dont know what to do...UUUUGGGHHHHHH...

I've Graduated...Oo0HHH!!!!

Yes! ... I have graduated from the Women and Infants Day program..Its pretty sweet.
Im not going to say that im 100% back to normal..but im DEFINATLY feeling a great deal better.
I finally have the skills to cope with my anxiety and irrational thoughts. Its a long hard journey but I did it and im so proud of myself. I met some great people along the way and we were able to help eachother and I hope we all keep in touch and remain friends so that whenever one of us needs someone to talk to we already know and understand eachothers situations..I will see them on Wednesdays hopefully at our follow-up group and we can talk about all the progress we're making

Im so glad I did this for myself..as embarrassing as it was, my sanity is well worth all the tears and I can continue on in my journey to being the mother that i know i can be!

TRANSFORMERS....oo0oohh..&..ugghh

One of the main things that we discuss in group therapy is LOSS..
This may sound superficial, but one of my greatest losses that came with motherhood is MY BODY
Now, I was far from perfect but all in all I was pretty content with my body..I wouldnt have minded losing a pound[or 20]..but I liked the way I looked...NOW...NOW..

NOW....
 well let me start by saying this..I also enjoyed my pregnant body...some days I felt like a cow (mostly in the beginning awkward stage where I wasn't really showing, just putting on weight) ..but when I got my beach ball stretch marks and all I felt really beautiful and feminine.. The aftermath of all that beauty and femininity is not pretty and I am DETERMINED to get back into a shape that i'll be happy with...I never wanna be a size 2, thats not me..but I will get back my voluptuous  curves in all my right places!!

I  haven't even taken any pictures of my postpartum body because I do not like it!!

NO SEX.....UUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!

I AM HURTING!!!!... The next time I get some it will be over a year since I got any...Its rough but my will is strong and I know when I get it..its gonna be SO AMAZING..{mmm..mmm}.It always is with him...
He is THE BEST lover I have ever had and not that I've been with a bunch of guys but I've had enough to know who sucks and who doesn't. He reads my body like a book and I cant wait to GET IT INNN!!!

 

I never knew a love like this!...Aahh..=D

WITH ALL THE SH*T IM GOING THROUGH...THIS LITTLE ANGEL KEEPS ME GOING!!!

The END IS NEAR...AAAHHhhh

Since April 2009 my man has been LOCKED UP I went through pregnancy labor & delivery without him... He has only seen PICTURES of his baby boy..and now FINALLY the end is near!
The decision came back on his appeal and... HE IS GETTING DEPORTED.. Oh no.. Im not upset I am {[SOOOOOOO]} glad he is getting out of that sh*t hole he is in down in Texas next to Mexico and first chance I get me and my son are on the first thing smokin headed there TRINIDAD OR BUST...

PRAY FOR ME AND MY YOUNG FAMILY..THAT WE WILL SOON BE REUNITED!!

Grandpa spoils the baby...0OoH..

I knew he would..Its his first baby boy...he has 3 girls

Its cute sometimes to see my giant daddy with my little baby having snuggle time together.. but sheesh when im trying to let my baby learn to sooth himself forget about it If Dasan so much as whimpers GRANDPA TO THE RESCUE oh well...maybe next baby...or not

Lmfao..seriously...AAhhh

B00BS'z...SHM00BS'z.. 0Ooohh..

Ok so, silly silly Steph thought she could go through with having a baby and get away with wearing the same bras...WRROOOONNNGGG!!!!!...Holy Shit was I wrong
I've always been pretty busty and I was very happy when I settled on a 'D' cup... not a full 'D' but I filled stuff out pretty nice... I felt like a was just on the border of too big but i hadnt crossed the line just yet..

My pregnancy went smoothly.. No major growth in size I maybe filled my bras a slight bit more but like i said nothing significant

About 3 days postpartum...HOLY MILK... I felt like I was carrying two bags of rocks on my freaking chest..I was so sore I could feel my skin hot from being stretched and pulled the only thing that gave me relief was nursing or a hot shower...but in the shower I had to stand faceing AWAY from the water spraying or my nipples would be in a WORLD OF PAIN... even nursing was a world of pain when he first latched...mann babies sure do have strong suction...but the pain would subside

{[Little tidbit: One day he latched wrong and I screamed and it scared the crap out of him and he cried for a little while I felt so bad..]}

Now the pain only comes when Im in the cold or when they're engorged{full of milk}...oh gosh when they're engorged AND im in the cold... I want to cry.. A LOT!

As far as size goes..Oh boy ...I tried a 40DD...that worked for like 2 weeks but now...NOW forget about it. It covers half of my boob ...Im gonna have to go shop for bras at like Lane Bryant or something and they are sooo expensive...goodbye 14.00 Walmart bra's....uugh..